The Rapture Is Upon Us

Ok so the apocalypse is upon us. In just a few hours god will grab his mighty fly swatter and his holy can of human spray and wipe out those of us that have lost faith in the fairy tale of christianity. Now the only information we have about what is about to happen to us is that it is going to be like hell on earth. Quite inconvenient as no-one really knows what hell is like. Thus we will need to prepare ourselves for a number of eventualities

Scenario 1: god inflicts a plague of some description onto the human race

Luckily for us most advanced scientists such as biologists and doctors are atheists. We must gather all of them and give them all sorts of medication to try and keep them alive so they can create a cure for the horrible disease god has inflicted upon us.

Scenario 2: god makes the dead rise and start attacking us (zombies)

Sci-fi films have been preparing us for years for this kind of situation. In fact if you own a copy of left 4 dead then you're fine. Grab knives, clubs, chainsaws. Basically anything that can disconnect a head from a body. If you feel like you are dying just tie some bandages round your arm and you will be fine.

Scenario 3: god covers the wold in lava

Now this scenario may be a bit more tricky than the others as the human race's survival rating with lava is not that high. Take Pompei for example, everyone who lived there is now dead. It could be due to the fact that they are blind and could not see the large amount of hot orange liquid flowing down the mountain that had just made a very loud bang. Not to worry though as the all mighty Knotch in minecraft has taught us that pouring a bucket of water over the lava will just turn it to obsidian or cobble stone.

I hope you found this rapture survival guide helpful and if I survive be sure that i will post more on this blog. Thanks for reading.....bye?